Spring 2019

“I wish I could hurt back”

Cassie Harris


When I first heard that, 

I thought that’s how I felt about you.  

I wished I could make you feel that hurt too 

I wish I could take you and break you 

And leave your soul bruised  

Implant a memory in your brain  

That stings and burns and rots like my memory of you. 


But I don’t want that. 

I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy,  

Not even you.  

Nobody should have to live with that.  

Yet here I am, one of the millions of  

Nobodies 

Living with that. 

Living with that. 

What do I wish?  

I wish you would get it 

I wish that you wore a women’s size 7  

So you could wear mine for a minute.  

I wish you could feel scared of it 

Happening to you  

Like it happened to me. 

Maybe then you will get it 


I wish you could wake up the morning after  

And look in the mirror and see emptiness.  

Feel numbness inside of you.  

I wish you could feel nothing at all  

And everything in the world at the same damn time. 

I want you to feel that 

I want to you feel static vibrate through your bones 

And hear a constant ringing in your brain 

Because that is better than the pain 

That you gave to me 

That you can’t take back 


I wish you could feel how it feels 

To live as a fly on the wall in your own storyline.  

To detach from your body and flatline 

To watch everything happened on a continuous loop,  

Replaying every time you sleep.  

Every time you close your eyes.  

Every time you are alone.  

Every time you are on a date.  

Every time you swipe right. 


I wish you could feel powerless.  

I wish your soul would melt  

And evaporate out of you into the air.  

I wish your soul would get picked up in a windstorm  

And get spun until it becomes slush.  

And the only lasting memory that you have is of what happened you


I wish it ruined your favorite TV show.  

I wish it ruined your favorite songs.  

I wish it ruined your favorite movies.  

I wish you would almost have to leave the theater  

Crying  

Because what happened to you is happening on the screen 

But you don’t wanna get up and leave 

Because you’re afraid that you’re just gonna make a scene 

And that nobody will come running after you 

And comfort you when you leave 


I was just another one night stand to you 

Just another pair of legs and two hands to you 

That you’d hit again if you had the chance to 

Because I didn’t mean that much to you 


That night, the night that it happened,  

Was just another night for you.  

But, I think about it nearly every day  

because that night wasn’t just another night for me, thanks to you 


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