Spring 2019

Withdrawal

Jen Steward


I find solace wrapped up in my comforter,

My bed becoming an extension of myself.

I want to sink into the mattress,

Being engulfed in blankets,

Cuddling my pillows.


I have a constant need to be hugged.

But there are moments when there isn’t

Anyone around to answer.

It’s nice to hear the sound of a familiar voice,

One that can make you laugh uncontrollably.


I wish I didn’t become a hermit.

Or feel like shit on a daily basis.

Being cooped up in my room with

A computer screen, feeling more connected

With a series of pixels than any living person.


I like lying down on carpets and rugs,

Dragging my fingers along the ground

And tracing the intricate patterns in the rug.

My dog would always walk over and demand

Me to get up, but I would tell him that I’m tired.


I’m pretty sure my dog knows when I’m sad.

He would constantly scratch at the couch

Whenever I’m lying down.

He thinks that taking me outside will clear my head.

He’s not wrong, but I just get so tired easily.


My family knows to check up on me

Whenever they can because I know

They really do care about me

And always want the best for me.


I can’t shake away the thoughts of suicide

They are passive and I don’t act on them,

But I would be lying if I said that

I didn’t think about those situations.


I’m definitely that person who would

Instantly regret their decision right after

And not be able to take it back because

Life itself isn’t a video game and you

Can’t respawn or get an extra life.


I do realize how important life is

And that I shouldn’t throw it away.

But it is difficult to find the positives

In a world full of hatred and negativity

It’s easy to see why you’d want to claw your eyes out.


How can people be this awful and terrible?

Whose idea was it to have shitty people in power?

I don’t understand it and I guess I never will.

It just becomes a lot, you know.


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