Facebook Survey of a Unicorn

Maria Beleos

1. Favorite vacation spot?

Not the ocean, I cannot swim.  I hate sunlight because it often leaves my horns a burnt red color, causing them to peel.  Maybe a dark cave that has bats flying around throughout the night.  The echo of the cave will allow me to hear myself think better. 

2. How much sparkle do you leave when you walk around? 

Close to none.  Flowers die when I walk by them.  I see the green stem and bright flower pedal turn to a gunk brown color and then I feel as they flop to my legs.  Most would think this would upset me, it doesn’t. 

3. If you were any other animal, what would you be? 

Pitbull, the fierceness within its name says all I aim to be.

4. What kind of shoe best describes your personality? 

A stiletto heel doesnt necessarily describe me, but I would use it as a weapon of protection.  The sharp, long end would do a lot of good for my safety. 

5. Level of preppiness? 

Extremely low levels.  I associate myself with black.  Pink often gives me the flu.  The kind of flu where bugs crawl into my stomach and I try to sneeze them out one by one. 

6. What is your major? 

Mortuary science.  I connect best with the dead because they do not judge.  I also think it is cool to take selfies with them because they make me look like a supermodel.  I thought I was pale, but if you saw Harold from morgue room number four you would think otherwise. 

7. What would you write on your roommates mirror for when she wakes up for class? 

Do not forget to clean your dishes.  We already have had the exterminator come three times. 

8. Level of caring for others? 

Below normal levels. Seem to have some anger issues.  My therapist thinks it became a problem when I painted the rainbow that Leppy the Leprechaun created, black. 

9. How many horns do you have?

I do not only have one. There are three that are beneath my skin and when someone tries to steal my food they come out to show them that I attack.  They are black and white striped because I consider anyone who tries to eat my food a robber.  If I get really mad, a red fume spurts out of them and fills the air.  The smell is a mix of an old womans perfume and horse poop.  The fume may cause some drowsiness and may lead to hospitalizationOOPS. 

10. If you had to pick an alcoholic drink, what would you pick? 

I would pick the drink “Red Death, so I am unable to remember the destruction I cause others the night before. 

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