Come ye bastards! Come ye swaggarts and braggards!

Come to my hearth and hear my tale.

A long one no doubt, but it’ll fly o’er an ale.

Not interested? Well shame to thee!

I’ll blow you down and hang you from a tree!

Move along little one, you’re letting the cold air in,

Brr! It’s frosty outside, wouldn’t you agree?

Your mouth ain’t broken, is it kid?

The way your lips be sealed, I’d wager a bid.

C’mon kiddo, the embers beckon a bright red!

 Look, a rare sight up ahead!

An empty armchair, more comfortable than a bed.

Sit here a second, and I’ll return to us,

And then I’ll tell you a story, of long-lost trust.

Here’s a meal, fit for a king!

Ironic, this story also tells of my would-be bling.

What? I’m not crazy you know!

I’ve lived a life well-lived, you bloody foolish hoe!

Why do I rhyme?

That’s from my tale,

I was a jester, completely off the rails.

Does this tale have sorrow?

Lemme see, I think it does,

Urgh, I don’t remember how,

My memories a big fuzz.

But your belly is full, and I’ve spent all my rhymes

So lean in a bit closer

And once upon a time…