Blissful Loneliness

By Hannah Bagley

I recall that it must have been a rather warm day. Something must have made me want to be outdoors under the light of the sun. The warmth of her rays were always so compelling to me. Everything seems so fuzzy, but I know it was warm and I know I was blissfully alone. Not a soul was in sight, the only company I had was the sun and the slight breeze that ruffled my hair as her companion. I plopped down on the grass, it was soft and cool to the touch and with my head facing the sky I could trace out lovely pillows of white against the bright blue atmosphere above. It wasn’t long before this peaceful moment transformed into an itch to explore, to be somewhere more than just on the soft grass, somewhere more than just where I was. I was up, and with the sun as my guide, I ran. Bounding across the stretch of land, I had the pleasure of encountering friendly bees buzzing by, little yellow butterflies that tickled my cheeks as they flew on, and an overwhelming sense of freedom. This must have been the best part.

It was short lived. The feeling of pure lonely freedom was gone the second the world fell out from under me. The grass turned into rough pavement under my bare feet and the breeze picked up considerably, accompanied by a loud whirring sound. In my final step I can feel the ground rumbling beneath me, but it’s not enough of a warning to stop me.

There was a moment where it seemed as though I had been knocked off my feet with an intense force. It wasn’t until I craned my neck to look back to see it was a moving vehicle, and its speed never once slowed. There was an abrupt warmth spreading across my stomach, discomfort following in its trail. I knew this warmth wasn’t from the sun, it was from something much different. I looked down, met with the sight of crimson spewing gently from a newly formed gash across my abdomen. I tried hard to look away, but the sight of something that looked eerily close to intestines was spilling from where they should be held inside of me.

It was a while before the pain began to settle, until cries began to emit from my throat without a conscious thought behind them. I knew I was too far from home, and I knew I had been blissfully alone. The lovely sun was beginning to shift. I knew because I was able watch her through my fuzzy vision. She was my grounding point, my track of time, and the lone audience to my slow suffering.

It wasn’t until there was a flash of red that came to an abrupt stop. You were the only vehicle to stop, the only one to look down upon me and listen to my cries aside from the sun. There was nothing to be done and you knew that as well as I. It was only for a moment, but for a moment I felt hope. You wouldn’t be aware that it wasn’t until you left that another rumbling vehicle would make a visit. It would relieve my bones of their structure and take the burden of breathing from my lungs. It would turn my flesh into a shadow of what I once was, sending me into the oblivion of pure isolation. Sending me into an eternity of blissful loneliness.

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