Should my hands be shaking?
Is it stress, or am I overthinking?
Honestly, it’s probably both.
It’s hard to stop.
I’m told not to stress about the future.
But I’m also told to have a game plan.
It’s fine to take an extra semester.
But it’s the only shot I have left.
Failure in this case is not an option.
I’m aware my actions have consequences.
I don’t like to dwell on it too much.
I want things to stop for a moment.
I want time, time to figure myself out.
Part of me wants to help, but
the other part has given up.
It’s a battle you can’t win.
Medication and therapy are necessary
To make sure I’m somewhat sane
However, medication can only do so much
And therapy requires participation.
The amount of times I have been lectured
About my inability to not put in effort
Is a lot more than I would like to admit.
I hate disappointing people
I don’t have time to make any more mistakes
Which is terrifying and unnerving.
After failing my fourth class,
I knew I was screwed.
People only want to help, I see that.
My brain has repressed so much,
That I have no idea where to even start.
I try to numb it all, push it away.
It’s worked for a long time,
but now I need to face them.
Easier said than done,
But it needs to happen.
It’s just I don’t even know where to start.